are you too old to turn, are you

too young to burn, too young

omg that reminds me - i wrote a poem the other day. #lol

think it's fair to say the boredom is kicking in, hence writing fucking poems. i'm not quite sure why it hasn't before now. maybe because i've had an endless to-do list of stuff to keep me occupied - though i still have stuff on the list. maybe because it's sunny outside and i feel like i've been grounded. though i don't think i was ever grounded as a kid (i was incredibly obedient) so i wouldn't know what that feels like.

earlier i was thinking a bit about being a kid. i used to get a lift to school with these two guys who lived down the road. as they were both older than me and boys they were obviously terrifying. but i remember we used to listen to muscle museum by muse as my dad drove us to school. soundgarden and queens of the stone age too. one of the boys died of cancer when he was like, 15. even though i can't say we were friends (probably because i was very shy) despite travelling to school together every day for several years, those times listening to music in the car were formative experiences for me in many ways. sometimes he and his brother - oh, and i just remembered there was occasionally another guy, too (sorry but THREE BOYS - even now i'd barely be able to deal with that) - would get into heated debate about the latest albums. if i was feeling brave, i would very occasionally join in, which they were very impressed by, obv. 

i remember pretty much every time i walked past his house after he'd gone, i had this strong and intrusive desire to check if his school photos were still on the mantlepiece. his parents lived there for so many years after he died and i don't think anything in that living room ever changed.

hi bloggah. so i've spent an indecent amount of time watching seinfeld today. is it weird that i really fancy george? the thing is, he is based on actual larry david who i have always thought is my soul bluetoothed into another human being (to paraphrase peep show) so maybe that makes sense.

i'm taking a couple of days off as i've been busy over the weekend working on a 'project' (lol). pretty, pretty busy. i don't like talking about stuff i'm doing but i'm proud of myself for finishing something.

as well that i've been planning my new bizzzzzzzzzz. i'm getting a logo made which is quite enjoyable, probably more so for me than for the poor girl who's having to listen to my deeply held feelings about serif and sans serif fonts.

i've also been making spotify playlists like a crazy person. i was going through one of them today and was like 'hold on, these are all bangers, m8' then i realised it was a playlist i made of my all-time favourite songs. good idea at the time, but it's a bit pointless making playlists if you immediately forget you made them. regardless of this learning i made another playlist today based around lovesong by the cure (another #banger obv), featuring some smushy numbers. i might name it Lovesong in the Time of Corona just for utter bantz.

next, i plan to perfect my dinner party playlist, which i expect to then magnetically attract more dinner parties into my life.

i've not been reading the news much but it seems like we might be able to re-emerge into society at some point in the not so distant future? it will be like a horror film where these weird anaemic aliens set foot on planet earth for the first time. a film that i look forward to watching, as i'm sure we all do.

one bonus of this time is the new whatsapp groups i'm in. i normally hate them but we created some proper family ones and i've enjoyed getting updates from my brothers. my eldest brother sent a video today of the dog making a nest in the garden out of one of my dad's jumpers, which was an enjoyable watch.

oh and i forgot. so in my last post, avid readers, i promised to let you know the status of those reads i mention in my 'currently reading' sidebar. can you guess which one i didn't finish? that's right, that one. so unfortunately i don't know anything that happened in the world past homo erectus. can someone fill me in pls

i did finish Ubik and it's great! you should read it if you haven't. and i used to have a subscription to Zoetrope but then they started piling up so i've probably still got some from 2013 that i never finished. however, i still think it a top product, incidentally also created by a member of the Coppola clan (see previous post). will they just adopt me already

apologies for, well, the entirety of this post but one of my friends, and i quote, told me to 'keep up' the blog so i had to oblige, especially in THE CURRENT CLIMATE

thank you and goodnight

hola el blog. i just wanted to update you on how certain things have changed since 2013. i'll start with addressing those sidebars on the right.

here's my list of things 'i love', circa 2013. in the interest of thoroughness, i shall talk through each in turn and explain where i currently stand on each.

1. Sofia Coppola. present self and 2013 self are still in alignment here, because the woman's a genius. i think the first film i saw of hers was 'Somewhere', and frankly i've never looked back (that film is also responsible for starting my Elle Fanning obsession). I'm ashamed to say that i only watched Marie Antoinette about two years ago, though. apparently loads of historians were raging about how historically inaccurate it was but THE VISUALS! THE FASHION! THE CAKES! THE VISUALS! in the words of Kanye, i don't care what any y'all say, i still love her.

2. Broccoli tempura. I'm sorry to say this is no longer on the list of favs. I'm not a fan of tempura or deep fried stuff any more in general. If i'm honest with myself, did I ever really like tempura? Or was i saying it for the street cred and favs? some soul searching is on the cards.

3. Peonies. Flower of the gods. a big yes. yuge.

4. Jeff Bridges. How could I not still love this guy? (incidentally, he used to be really hot – CF: The Last Picture Show). also, i just relate on a deep level with the big lebowski. I feel like this image will always encapsulate what i wish i was (it was my FB profile pic at one point). could anyone be cooler? shades, dressing gown and devil may care attitude in the Asda dairy aisle? i literally wish.


5. Cats + Balloons. i still love cats but since i lost my beloved Scampi (always in my heart) some years ago it's just never been the same. Scampi was a cat, a scarf, and my furry soulmate in one, and nothing can replace that. i feel like my future is dogs - that's been the plan for a while, but first i need to get a flat, sort the majority of my life out, etc etc. but it will happen, and i've even chosen a name! watch this space. as for the balloons, this makes me wonder whether i should in fact be addressing both parts of this heading at once. it could be that i didn't simply mean 'i like cats' and 'i like balloons' but i like 'cats and balloons' in combination. because in isolation, i don't recall ever being a big balloon fan. 

sooo i just took a short break to google it and there are some videos of cats interacting with balloons but they're traumatic at best. what was i thinking? big no.

6. Tina Fey. another on my idols list, but i haven't engaged much with her work recently. i'm assuming it's one of those things that you binge on and then need to lay off for a while, like houmous.


i'll address that 'currently reading' list in my next post. spoiler alert: one of those books never got finished.

oh, and i just remembered i promised to tell you about that friend of mine. my bad. i'll do it another time because i CAN'T BE BOTHERED

ciao ciao

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR (LITERALLY), SHE'S BACK!

i can't even explain how weird it is being on here again. I FEEL NERVOUS!!! it's like going on a date with an old boyfriend. really awks. hi blog how have you been you look nice etc.

by means of explaining my appalling and presumptuous actions: given the current lockdown vibe i kinda wanted to start some sort of personal writing project and then i thought what could i start and after much soul searching the conclusion was, why not restart THIS old boy? lack of imagination, or total genius? you decide. i, for one, am quite enjoying the lo-fi aesthetic.

in my defence, i have had friend(s) enquire after my blog in recent years (you know who you are [punches chest and points]), so i took that to mean that they felt there was a hole in their lives that could only be filled with my wry observations on daily life and witty #chat. so here i am, for the rest of lockdown or until i forget, whichever comes first. i do feel mildly like a 40-year old man named Paul frantically clinging to his youth but it's cool.

i've been reading my old posts too (while listening to my 'teen' playlist for mood music). so weird reading past angsts. i like to think i've changed a bit in the last seven years. well, i definitely have. but certain things still remain. deep.

so let's address the elephant in the room. oh boy, we're in a situation. i don't really know what else to say, except that this too shall pass, which i often think was a gandalf quote but totally wasn't! was it God? Gandalf's is 'YOU SHALL NOT PASS'. powerful man.

top tip: i know everyone's jumped on the bandwagon with turning 'My Sharona' into 'My Corona' but today i discovered that it works equally well with 'Ramona' by Beck. why not give it a go.

btw i can't work out if i've lost the plot or am actually thriving in lockdown. i feel kind of ok and have had so much time to plan and think about how i want my life to go from now. which apparently involves resurrecting a dead Blogger account from 2013. things are on the up for this lady.

so ya i'm back!!! dream come true. in order to build suspense about my upcoming influencer activities, in my next #post i'm going to talk about my friend who, in her attempts to console me about anything that might be troubling me in my life at any given moment, be it Corona terror, failed attempts to purchase a flat – any flat, or a dating disaster, without fail makes me feel 100% worse in just a few well-meant but disastrous words on whatsApp. it's a real skill that i admire and i kinda want her to write an instruction book on it.

until then, ciao.

seriously, Miranda - WHAT are you wearing

Philip K. Dick is my idol, because he writes stuff like this:

It has crushed me like a bent-legged insect, he said to himself. A simple bug which does nothing but hug the earth.

- Ubik

found a sixpence from 1955 in my wallet. i wonder how it got to me. how would it even be in circulation still? but look how young the queen is

Workin' hard

i was travelling home from Portsmouth this evening with my mum. she started talking about my Nanna, who died some years ago. i miss her. the older i get and the more i learn about her, the more i realise we were similar in some ways. she was a runner. i also think that she was a dreamer like me, and that some of her dreams ate her up (like me). when my mum was a teenager Nanna went through a period of being particularly unhappy, and would sit up late at night on her own with a beer, listening to The Carpenters and Springsteen. though it makes me sad, i appreciate the companions she chose.

feel terrible. not been sleeping well. my ipod broke today just before i went running and i totally broke down. full on wailing, wall-punching, runny-nosed shebang.

saw this grumpy looking baby in a pink fleece today in the back of a car and i could relate. it was just by forest hill station, which smelled of fried bananas.

here's a gif.