cake and rain cryfest

do you ever find that when you have conflicting emotions they all converge, like melted crayons, into this one brown emotion that makes you feel a bit sick?
i do, i have that.

i had a shit day today, woke up from a bittersweet dream to realise with a jolt that it was just a dream and that in fact i was alone, and scared, and it was raining outside, and dark, and 7.30 in the morning. the rain proceeded to torment me for the remainder of the day, the kind of rain that will not be stopped by any umbrella, seeming to be able to defy the laws of gravity and rain upwards and horizontally, wetting your hair, your face, your clothes, your SOUL.

i got off work early but then had to go to the supermarket, because i realised this morning that i had No Things. i normally love shopping for Things but when you actually need them and have no money, i realised, it is not so fun.

fuck i complain a lot. i'm not sorry though, because whining is one of my guilty pleasures. as is alcohol. weirdly, however, i have totally gone off my other guilty pleasure, which is [was] cake. i used to eat, sleep and breathe cake (literally, one of my favourite things to do was stick my head in a victoria sponge and just inhale) but now i can shrug off a muffin like that. that's not a euphemism, but it should be.